This work contains supplementary materials and behind-the-scenes context for the story “Still Stuck (in the Middle) With You.” Reading it is completely optional!
Table of Contents
- The Inspiration behind Still Stuck (in the Middle) With You
- The Wing Banners
- Notes on Chapter 4: GraceSong
- Notes on Chapter 7: To Hell and Gone/Gone Fishing
- Notes on Chapter 8: One Last Thing
The Inspiration Behind This Fic
This story was born from my complicated feelings about Castiel's “I love you” in 15x18 “Despair.” Misha Collins later confirmed it was meant as a romantic declaration—but for me, it felt sudden, unearned, and heartbreaking, especially with Dean never acknowledging it and Castiel never appearing again.
When I rewatched the series, I kept returning to an earlier moment: Castiel’s confession in 12x12 “Stuck in the Middle (With You).” That line—“I love you. I love all of you”—felt like it could be the first flicker of romantic realization, especially when facing near-death.
This story unfolds from that moment: What if Castiel’s first awareness of his love for Dean happened then? What if the fallout began long before “Despair”?
I hope you enjoyed exploring this interpretation of Castiel’s emotional journey—and the profound bond that reshapes both him and Dean.
The Wings Banners
The Wings Banners of Chapters 1-7 were created by me, a.k.a. WingSongGrace. Background: Freevar.com (cosmic nebula stock). Wing design: original work. The black cutout wings represent Castiel’s WingShadows, first seen in the barn (4x01 “Lazarus Rising”), and the falling stars represent the falling angels (8x23 “Sacrifice”).
The Rainbow Wings Banner of Chapter 8 was also created by me. The asymmetric coloring of the wings in Chapter 8 represents Castiel’s transformation through Dean’s love: the left wing shows the full spectrum of colors Dean’s soul brought to his Grace (rainbow), while the right wing blazes with the fire of Dean’s soul-tones themselves (red/orange/yellow). Together they illustrate the story's description: “every note crackling with Light and Fire.”
Background: Freevar.com (cosmic nebula stock image). Wing design, rainbow gradients, and symbolic color choices: original work by WingSongGrace.
Notes on Chapter 4: GraceSong
Canon Divergence: In 4x09 “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” Anna claims she removed her Grace, was reborn as a human, and grew up with no angelic memories.
In this story, that account is deliberate misdirection. Anna did not reincarnate—she became a dis-Graced, near-human angel, similar to Castiel’s state after Metatron stole his Grace (Season 9). This interpretation allows deeper exploration of what catalyzed her rebellion, how Dean's soul influenced her choice to fall, and the broader theme of how human souls impact angelic nature.
Notes on Chapter 7: “To Hell and Gone/Gone Fishing”
Title and Structure
“To Hell and Gone” is a colloquial expression for something ruined. Literally: Dean trapped in Dream Hell. Metaphorically: Castiel at his lowest point after Chapter 6’s despair.
“Gone Fishing” references the old shopkeeper’s sign for taking a break. Literally: they're fishing in the dream. Metaphorically: Dean's mind seeks peace; Castiel finds respite from despair.
The slash (/) mimics the jump cut between dream sequences.
Canon Callbacks
Dean's Fireworks Poem: At the end of Chapter 6, “Choices,” while Castiel hums the ancient, synesthetic Neanderthal poem, “My Beloved,” a small spiral galaxy (Dean’s soul, which lives within Castiel’s Grace) picks up the vibrations. It carries the poem back to Dean’s sleeping mind, where he recreates that ancient synesthetic expression—“Joy incarnate. Love drawn in color, touched in the air”—as fireworks, adding his own “crazy assbutt” flair. This is Dean’s subconscious mind’s gift to Castiel.
The Fishing Dock: In 4x20 “The Rapture,” the fishing dock in Dean’s dream is peaceful but ominous—a quiet interlude before everything falls apart. Here, it becomes a healing space. Same setting, opposite emotional impact.
The Little Gray Fish: The lines, “Many, many thousands of years ago, a little gray fish struggled up onto a beach. An older brother said to me, ‘Don’t step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish,’” are a direct echo from 6x20 “The Man Who Would Be King,” one of Castiel's most emotionally revealing episodes. Then, he was mid-rebellion, narrating existential doubts. Here, he’s still reflecting on evolution and destiny—but this time, Dean is beside him. In a chapter about dreams, peace, and emotional expression, recalling the fish is like showing how far he’s come.
Notes on Chapter 8: “One Last Thing”
Scutum: a real constellation in the southern sky, named for the Latin word meaning “shield”—a symbol of protection and bravery. See the Glossary of Celestial Terms for more details.
(Note: In Hebrew, “Castiel” means “Shield of God.”)